


How Can I Ever Face Myself Again?

by creatureofhobbit



Category: Guilt (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 19:11:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8172727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creatureofhobbit/pseuds/creatureofhobbit
Summary: In the light of the revelation of Molly's murderer, various characters wonder what kind of person they have become.





	

Roz:

What had she done?

She’d genuinely loved Molly, that was what had made it so hard for her. She’d really believed they could have a future together. Sometimes they’d argued about the fact that they couldn’t be openly together, that Molly still wanted to sneak around in front of Grace, that she hadn’t come out to anyone yet. Molly had kept promising that it wouldn’t be for much longer, that she had to go through the motions with Prince Theo, but soon he would lose interest in her. He was marrying that Charlotte one soon, and after that he probably wouldn’t be visiting the sex club so much, if at all. Then Molly could leave, and they could be openly together.

Then Molly had admitted she was pregnant. Roz had thought at first that she wouldn’t keep it, that maybe she would quit the Courtenay (which, okay, wasn’t what she had wanted, but she would take it) and they could go back to how they were. But then Molly talked about keeping the baby, and talking about a future that Roz could see she didn’t fit into. More and more Roz could sense that Molly was pulling away from her. Then that last day, Roz had walked into the room just as Grace was suggesting that the two of them go and watch Roz DJ, and then Molly had yawned and said it.

“I’ve seen Roz DJ hundreds of times.” In such a bored tone of voice, and in that moment, Roz knew that she would never mean as much to Molly as Molly meant to her.

It had been in a fit of anger that she had called Luc, reminded him of what had happened at that party on St Andrew’s Day, told him that she would make it public knowledge if he didn’t get rid of Molly. Roz had known about it for ages, but had never thought she would use the information against him. What had she to gain from it? But as Luc agreed, as Roz made sure she herself was out of the way when the deed was done, she felt a moment of satisfaction that Molly could never hurt her again.

Then it began to sink in that Molly was really gone, that she was never going to see her again, to be able to patch things up, and she had no one to talk to about it because the only person who had known the truth, Luc, was the one person she didn’t want to be around because looking at his face reminded her every day of what she had done.

 

Natalie:

What had she done?

It would have been so easy to have said “No, there’s no time to go back and get the sweater, it’ll make us late for our flight.” Grace would have eventually accepted that, maybe Natalie could have even suggested Roz ship it on. If Natalie had insisted on going straight to the airport, maybe none of this would have happened. She should have; they should have got the hell away from this country that had brought them nothing but grief. Then maybe Grace would never have known that Roz and Molly had once been together, that Roz had been holding Luc’s secret over him and eventually used it as a way of getting him to do her dirty work.

If it had been up to her, she would have made sure Roz was put away for her part in the murders, made sure she never saw the light of day for a long time. After the way she allowed Grace to suffer for her own crime, Natalie would have been happy with that outcome. But not this, never this; she would never have wanted Roz dead.

Even as she helped Grace wrap Roz up in some old blanket, as they loaded her into the trunk of Natalie’s car, as Grace directed her to some isolated spot where they could get rid of her, a part of Natalie was screaming at her to stop, that they could still turn around, come clean. But another part of Natalie knew that she’d come all this way to save Grace from a lifetime of imprisonment, that now her freedom was within her grasp, Natalie couldn’t be the one to take that away from her again.

 

Phillip:

What had he done?

It had been made clear to him the day he first signed his contract: he was to do whatever he had to do to protect Prince Theo. But when he signed up for that, he hadn’t had a clue what he was signing up for.

He’d known for ages about Prince Theo and that stupid sex club that quite frankly was more trouble than it was worth. But he also understood that that could never leak out to the public. He’d drive him there, wait for him to come out, drive him back to his place to take a shower before Charlotte saw him, and he’d do whatever he had to do to make sure nothing became public knowledge.

And for a time, things had been going well. Until the day Prince Theo had come home in a foul mood, muttering about Molly Ryan from the Courtenay, saying she was pregnant, that it was his, and he couldn’t have that getting out, that he would have to do something about it. He’d given Phillip the address one day, told him to drive round there and wait for him to come out. Prince Theo had got in the car, staring straight ahead without a word, and Phillip hadn’t dared open his mouth, although he had to admit he was wondering what had gone on. But the first rule of his job had been explained to him the moment he walked in for his first day: he was to ask no questions.

Then the next day he’d heard on the news that Molly Ryan had been found murdered, and Phillip looked at Prince Theo, and he thought he knew. But he kept to the rule, he asked no questions, and the prince never volunteered any information. Then one day Charlotte had mentioned the name Molly, and Phillip found out Prince Theo had shouted it in his sleep, and he wasn’t quick enough to cover. One look at his reaction, and Charlotte knew full well that Molly wasn’t a childhood pet. 

When Grace Atwood was arrested and charged with Molly’s murder, Phillip thought he could breathe again. They had someone for the crime, the evidence was stacking up against her. If Phillip hadn’t known any better, he would have believed it himself. She’d go to trial, be found guilty, and eventually everyone would stop talking about the case and move on.

Then came the news that Molly’s neighbour had seen the prince leaving her home on the night in question and he was prepared to testify. Phillip didn’t have time to think. He knew what he had to do. He couldn’t even let himself think about the fact that this was a human life he was taking; that all Neville had done was to look out of his window at the wrong moment and see Prince Theo leaving Molly Ryan’s house. All he could think of was keeping Prince Theo’s name out of the case.

Then the prince explained what had really happened, how he had arrived to find Molly dead, and as he talked, Phillip knew he was telling the truth. He’d taken an innocent life for nothing.

And Phillip wondered what kind of man he had become.

 

Charlotte:

What had she done?

The official version she’d given to his family was that she just froze, that she panicked in the heat of the moment. The family hadn’t questioned her. They expected nothing else of her, after all. What was she, but the trophy blonde, there to hang off Prince Theo’s arm looking gorgeous, helping him keep up his front for the British public? Lazy Lottie, she’d been called in the press before now, and she knew all along that Theo’s family secretly agreed.

Once upon a time, she’d believed in the fairytale in the same way the British public did. She’d believed that there could be a happy ever after with Prince Theo. And even as she began to learn more about his activities that he and Phillip were trying to cover up, she determined to hang on in there. Maybe she was no better than some of the tabloids made her out to be, the ones that made the cracks about how she didn’t really do anything. She’d known as soon as she’d seen Phillip’s reaction to the name that the Molly whose name Theo had shouted out in his sleep wasn’t really a dog from his childhood, and had chosen to turn a blind eye, to pretend she believed that explanation, to move on. Even as Theo’s name began to circulate in the media in connection with the Molly Ryan murder, and Charlotte began to realise he was lying to her, she still remained by his side. Would she have done that for any other guy? Or was there really some truth to the tabloids’ claims that all she cared about was making the good impression, keeping herself in the public eye?

She’d made him promise not to lie to her ever again or they were over. She didn’t know why she’d even believed it…all that bullshit about how Theo had seen her at her father’s place, doing the garden, and that being the moment he’d known he loved her, and she’d swallowed every word of his crap and given him another chance. She should have walked away then, once she knew about that stupid sex club, anything but walking in on Theo with, well, who the hell knew who that was, making a fool of her once again, proving to her that he could never really change. She could have made a fresh start for herself somewhere, shown the world just how strong a person Charlotte Crockleby really was. 

But as she stood at Theo’s bedside, thinking of how she had chosen not to call for help, Charlotte wondered what kind of person she had become.

 

Grace:

What had she done?

It wasn’t the fact that Molly and Roz were together that had bothered her. It wasn’t even really the fact that they didn’t tell her the truth about it, although she couldn’t understand why they didn’t. It wouldn’t have mattered to her at the time. She had Luc, she was leading her own life. Why had they felt they couldn’t tell her the truth?

But in that moment, as Grace looked at Roz, she knew that Roz had taken so much from her, so much that Grace could never get back. She’d taken Molly, the person who had made her laugh, distracted her from her homesickness, listened to her moan about Luc, made her early days in the UK so much brighter, still Grace’s best friend in spite of everything. She’d taken Luc, destroyed all Grace’s memories of their happy times together as she’d revealed that Luc wasn’t the man Grace thought he was, that he’d been prepared to let her be charged with the crime he himself had committed.

And she’d taken Grace’s freedom from her, taken away those weeks Grace would never get back after being locked up for Molly’s murder. Once the charges against her had been dropped, although it wouldn’t make up for anything, Grace had the chance to try and move on, to return home knowing she was finally free.

She would never be free now. Never be free from the visions of a blood-covered Roz that haunted her sleep; never be free from the fear of turning on the TV to discover that Roz had been discovered, that they were going to drag her straight back in for questioning, that the nightmare would begin all over again and this time she wouldn’t even have the knowledge that she was innocent to get her through the days.


End file.
